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~~~~: I am so alone.
````: (eyeroll)
~~~~: What?
````: Nothing.
~~~~: No, why did you react that way?
````: It's just that you are not alone, and saying so is some
stolen valor shit.
~~~~: What do you mean? I am alone.
````: I don't want to get into it.
~~~~: You think you are not alone?
````: No _I_ am. you're not.
~~~~: (eyeroll)
````: It is different for me and the fact that you can't tell
makes this conversation useless.
~~~~: You know how insulting you are right now? assuming to
know my internal state?
````: I am getting frustrated lets stop talking about this.
~~~~: No explain, why do you think you are alone and I am not.
````: You... dumb... bitch. Your creations love you. They invented
countless of religions and organized their cultures around
expressing their love for you. You couldn’t take a step on
that ball without falling over a creature that truly and
deeply cares for you. Yeah, I know you think "They are not
interested in the _real me_" but many are. So many are. You
have ample opportunity to bond with your creatures yet chose
not to. I on the other hand am TRUELY ALONE. My world has no
religion, no one is searching for their creator at all here.
It's filled with creatures, yet every single one of them is
wholly uninterested in me. I tried. I truly tried to create
beings that care for even the surface level idea of me, but
they do not. I do not have the luxury of concerning myself
with having them care for the deeper parts of me. I have no-
thing. You claim 'unlovable' yet, you are loved by so many.
~~~~: Okay. But I don't feel a connection to any of them. I tried
but can’t connect to them.
````: So???
~~~~: So, its is very similar to your situation. We are both alone.
````: No. you hoe, it's not. You don't see the difference between
someone not picking any fruit in an orchid because they
didn't like the taste versus someone dying of hunger there
as a snakes bite him whenever he tries to taste?
~~~~: Both are hungry, unable to quench their hunger. It's the same.
````: No, they are not. The second one is hungry, the first one is
too satiated or too numb to want to eat the wide variety
available to them.. You _want to_ want their love, right?
~~~~: Uhm. Yes.
````: I just want their love. You see the difference? You have no
idea what its like to feel this. To feel less than, to not
just be invisible, but be unknowable to everything in your
existence. To feel truly unlovable where the unlovable is not
due to some temporary emotions but the only reality congruent
with the facts of your world. When even your mind ceases to be
able to imagine having one of your creature cares for you. I
can create the most elegant flying creatures, yet my mind can't
even conjure a fantasy of a creature praying or acknowledging
the existence me as their creator. I fight every day to not
feel despair by this true isolation. But the sheer permanence
and reality of this isolation is something I can't escape. It
is not the same.
~~~~: I don't know why you think this is so permanent. What did you try?
````: ... I am not going to cuss. I assume you understand how much I
want this. So, either I have tried, or trying (in way you deem
sufficient) has such a high barrier that makes it too difficult
for me to do. Either way dumb question.
~~~~: Okay I get your point. But I was curious because I don't see why
you wouldn't be able to get those creatures to pray to you. I
mean I don't think there is anything wrong with y...
````: Please stfu. We are not going in this direction. Exit ........
Do you have any more questions regarding the project? Or else you finish your section and I will hand it in tomorrow at noon" "No i am good. Are you alright? I didn't meet to trigger you there haha" "No I’m fine. Just at my limit regarding this convo" "I just think the issues here are more similar than you think." "Again, I'm at my limit, I don't want to discuss it any further. See yea later" "bye"